Are you really smarter than a bartender?

Written by
October 23, 2017

In your group of friends, you’re known as The Expert. The sophisticated advisor who always knows what to order at the bar. The one everyone turns to for answers to their drink dilemmas.

Like, which cocktails are the least calorific? Is vermouth that thing that tastes like toothpaste? Will the person I’m chatting up notice if I buy them a glass of cava instead of the real McCoy?

If you like to think of yourself as a bit of a gin genius, vodka virtuoso or wine mastermind, give our quiz a shot to find out if you’ve got what it takes to be a bartender.

Q1. In what order should the ingredients of a long drink go into the glass?
A. Ice, spirit, mixer, garnish.
B. Spirit, ice, mixer, garnish.
C. Whatever’s closest.

Q2. Which three ingredients go into a classic Negroni?
A. Campari, sweet vermouth, gin.
B. Campari, sweet vermouth, vodka.
C. Red grapes, white grapes, grape juice. It’s a fancy Italian wine, yeah?

Q3. How long should you shake a cocktail for?
A. Until a light frost forms on the outside of the shaker.
B. For a slow count of 10.
C. Until your arms feel like they did that one (and only) time you took a boxing class at the gym.

Q4. If someone asks for a drink ‘straight up’ how do they want it served?
A. Without any ice.
B. Spirit only – hold the mixer.
C. While they’re standing up.

Q5. What makes a dirty martini dirty?
A. A shot of olive brine.
B. Using vodka instead of gin.
C. The obscenities muttered by the bartender when some James Bond dunce asks for it ‘shaken, not stirred’.

Q6. How can you taste the difference between prosecco and champagne?
A. Prosecco is sweet and fruity, champagne is more savoury, with a bit of a biscuit-y flavour.
B. Champagne has more bubbles, so tastes fizzier.
C. Champagne leaves a bitter taste in your mouth (because it’s usually about three-times more expensive than prosecco).

Q7. What’s the optimal temperature for serving red wine?
A. 14-18C (ever so slightly chilled).
B. 21-25C (room temperature).
C. 30-34C (after a quick blast in the microwave – that’s what mulled wine is, yeah?).

Q8. If someone asked you for a French 75, what glass would you serve it in?
A. Flute.
B. Martini.
C. Shot.

Q9. Which has the most ingredients out of:
A. A Long Island Iced Tea.
B. A Bloody Mary.
C. A Vodka Sunrise.

Q10. Which of these rum-based cocktails traditionally only uses one kind of rum?
A. Cuba Libre.
B. Hurricane.
C. Zombie.

Mostly As
You’ve got the smarts, so to celebrate we’re coming ‘round to give you an excuse to put your talents to the test IRL (selfless, willing guinea pigs that we are). Make ours a Commonwealth.

Mostly Bs
When it comes to liquor, you’re all about the logic. But, sometimes, you need to remember what you hear on the grapevine isn’t always the whole story – chilling red wine is probs a case in point (puns 100% intended). So, while you’re likely to have the basics nailed, you could do to brush up on the more science-y stuff.

Mostly Cs
BRB, just declining the invite to your house warming next week. There is minimal evidence to suggest you would be able to correctly pass us a bottle of beer, let alone put together a lip smacker of a Pisco sour. So don’t give up the day job (unless you’ve defied the odds and are already a bartender…in which case, you should probably pen a resignation letter).